Round #2

Well today is the official start of round 2 of IVF! To say that it is a bit overwhelming is an understatement. For all of my praying friends out there please be remembering me over the next several months. My egg retrieval is scheduled for December 14. The really crazy and overwhelming this is that I will find out if the cycle worked on my 30th birthday!

I have to admit that I am not really handling the emotional stress this go around as well as I did for the first cycle. This is most likely due to the fact that I know what is in store over the next couple of months. I know that I serve a Gracious God and that He will be supplying our every need, but emotional and financial! All that I have to do is learn to trust.

Chris and I have truly grown as individuals and as a couple through this. My mom often reminds me that we are all placed in situations for a reason, and I agree with that, but not until recently did I understand that! I understand that God is using me in such a way that I will be able to one day minister to others that have hurt as much as I have hurt. No matter the outcome I know that God is still on His throne and He will remain there until He comes back for His children! I may just need some of you to remind me of this periodically!!

First Round of IVF

I am sitting here with a sad heart as I am writing this. Our first try at IVF was unsuccessful. But it is with God’s grace that we will keep our heads up and our hearts focused on Him and make decisions for the future. We have an appointment with the doctors at the end of the month to look at our options. Those options are basically try IVF again, at no guarantee that we will work, or save that money and start working towards adoption. Adoption is a whole new ball game. Chris and I have always been open to adoption but once you move forward with this there is a whole gamete of new decisions to be made! Prayers would be much appreciated during the next couple of weeks as we explore all of our options.

The WAIT!!

Have I ever mentioned that I am the most impatient person in the world! I don’t want to sound as if I am willing the next week and a half away, because I am not, but waiting is not something that I have ever been particularly good at. I am a firm believer that every life situation makes us grow stronger! So for that reason alone I couldn’t will the next two weeks to go faster but I am asking for grace and hopefully a busy week to help occupy my brain!

Embryo Transfer

The transfer went great according to the doctors! I really don't know enough about all of this but I am taking their word for it. They will call us Sunday or Monday to let us know how many embryos they were able to freeze. As for now we are staying in Little Rock at a hotel for my 48 hour bed rest. Believe it or not there is more to do here on bed rest than at home! Keep praying for God's will!!

Embryo Report# 1!!!!!

Ok. Here is what I understand. We have 1 4-cell embryo excellent( this is the best possible), 1 4-cell excellent/good, 2 4-cell good, 1 3-cell good, 1 2-cell good, and 1 embryo that has not divided. What they say is that this is good. I am scheduled to have the top two embryo's transfered tomorrow morning at 9:30am. They will continue to call me daily with the report of the other 6/7 embryos daily and let me know when and how many reach the stage that they can be froze for further use. Talk about overwhelming! I quess the biggest news is that two of them are looking great and that the transfer is on for tomorrow! I will be on bed rest for 48 hours following the transfer so all of you think of me laying there and being bored, don't get me wrong, it is totally worth it for when it works! Keep sending up those prayers I will need them for the next two weeks in order to keep my sanity!!

Egg Retrieval

Well I barley survived the egg retrieval! That is the sickest at my stomach that I have been probably ever. One a positive note they were able to collect 12 eggs. This number is lower than what they would like but yesterday we got the call that 7 of those 12 had fertilized!!!! Huge relief to Chris and I. We are now awaiting the phone call today concerning the quality of each embryo. This will determine how many are dividing properly and on what day the transfer will be. I will let you all know as soon as I get the call. Other than that, I am feeling ok, just still sick at my stomach off and on. The nurses say that this is normal and a lot of it is caused by all the hormones that I am taking. Talk later today!

Update #6

Well get the prayers started. I took the Ovidrel shot, the one that will make me ovulate, last night at 10:30. My egg retrieval is scheduled for 9:00am Tuesday morning.

Update #6

Everything went great at the doctors today. They think that I need just one more day of medicine and that the egg retrieval should be on for Tuesday!! I have to go back to the doctor in the morning for more lab test and another ultrasound to make sure all is well.

One a different note, Chris and I are enjoying our 4thof July at my parents place. It is definitely different than being in Illinois with the rest of the family, but not bad. Until tomorrow!

Update # 5

Today’s appointment went well, they were over two and a half hours behind, but I guess I didn’t have a choice but to wait. The doctor said everything looked great and that I have 20 eggs that were maturing nicely and all my labs were looking great. The most exciting thing is that my uterus is actually the thickness that it needs to be. That hasn’t happened ever!! I go back to the doctor Saturday morning so I will let everyone know how it goes then. No big plans for tomorrow and I am supper pumped about that!! Take care!

Update #4

The last lab was good according to the Doctors and I have another appointment tomorrow at 10:30 for more labs and my first ultrasound. I am REALLY tired of the shots!! On a positive note, Chris and I got to finally celebrate our 4th aniversary today. We went to Hot Springs and ate and walked around a little. Nothing exciting, not enough money for anything like that, but very nice to get to spend some much needed time together. Until Tomorrow!

Well I started the stimulation drugs and boy do they hurt!! It is hard to keep a smile with two shots now and one that hurts as bad as it does! Other than that all is going well. I am starting to have some leg cramps and the hot flashes are definitely getting worse, but those are really the only two side effects that I am experiencing. We are going to spend the week at my parent so that we will be closer for all the trips into Little Rock this week. I will be sure to update after the Tuesday appointment and let everyone know how things are continuing to go.

Update # 2?

Well both the lab work and the ultrasound were normal so I am set to begin phase two of IVf! This phase will cause ovary stimulation and so hopefully I will begin making lots of good eggs. I will start this medicine Saturday night and then will have my next follow up lab on Tuesday morning. I will keep all updated as I learn more. Just KEEP Praying!!!

IVF Update # 1

Well it has been a week since I started the IVF medications. And I guess it is fair to say that so far so good other than the occasional hot flash. I have only accused Chris of making the house 210° a couple of times in the last two days!! The doctors warned use that this would be the first thing we might notice. I am scheduled for my first ultrasound and lab tomorrow and if all is well there then I will begin the second stimulation drug Saturday. From then things start moving fairly quick. If all goes as planned then I should have my egg retrieval around the 7th of July. On a side note, I am really disappointed that I am not getting to go to Illinois for the July 4th holiday. This has been a family tradition of mine since I was born and I can only think of one year that I was unable to attend other than this year. I guess this can be added to the list of sacrifices that Chris and I have to make in order to pursue our dream of children. I will update again in a few days when I hear back from the doctors. Until then, God Bless!

Its a Miricale!

Can you believe it!! I have posted two days in a row! Lol. Anyway, I did manage to add music to the blog, which might I say I am proud of. For those that know me you know that I am not computer savvy at all. Well tomorrow is the big day. IVF class here we come. I wish that I knew of what to expect. But aren’t surprises fun! Anyway, until then…God’s Bless you all.

Again, I am horrible about keeping up with this blog. I promise to do better! Where to begin? The last two months have been an emotional rollercoaster. Many may already know, but my papa (mom’s dad) had fought cancer for 19 years and on May 28, 2009, he went home to be with Our Lord. This was such a blessing in so many ways, but as all humans we grieve. I don’t think that we grieve so much for our loss of him, because we know that it is only temporary, but for all of us that are left behind and will miss such a great person! But as the old adage goes, life must go on. And so that is what we are doing.
The Tuesday after the funeral Chris and I decided that it was time to go back to the doctors and pursue our children quest again. We had decided during the spring to take a few months off of all the treatments. For two reasons really, one they are emotionally draining and two they are financially draining. So at the last doctor’s appointment the doctors told me that we have a 0% chance of conceiving children the traditional way and a 13% chance of conceiving using IUI (artificial insemination). So when I asked what are options were they suggested Invitro Fertilization. They give us about a 60% chance of success rate for this. So here we go about to embark on a new journey though the world of infertility! I promise to blog more often through this process. We meet with the doctors on June 11, 2009 to establish our treatment plan and to give them ALL our money!
This whole situation has also added to my emotional rollercoaster. I can assure you that without the Lord and prayer there would be no way to stay sane through all of this. I have been trying to find others that have been through this and have tried to see how those other Godly women have handled things. I have had some luck coming up with a few encouraging poems that I keep printed of and refer to on a daily basis:

1. He meant for my husband & I to grow closer, become stronger, & love deeper. He meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. He meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, & create procedures & protocols to eventually find a cure for infertility.
God never meant for me not to have children. That is not my destiny...it's just a fork in the road I am on. I have been placed on the road less traveled, & like it or not, I am a better person for it! Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and a greater inner strength on this journey & I haven't let him down.
Truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong & so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing feeling I have ever known.

2. There are women who become mothers without effort,
without thought,
without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics or money
or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life,
the people who truly have appreciation
are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,
explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake
in the middle of the night to the sound of my child,
knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him
and that I am not waking to take another temperature,
pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense;
that God has given me this insight,
this special vision with which I will look upon my child.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to
or a child that God leads me to,
I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter,
neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment,
as I have been betrayed by my own body.
I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face,
yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me,
I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better,
I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine,
of other eyes that moisten as they learn
to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

I promise to keep everyone better up to date as long as you all promise to pray for Chris and I and God’s will in our lives and pursuit for children. Until the next time!!

Where to start? I am not as good at this keeping everything up-to-date as I wanted to be. Our holiday vacation was great. We got too much and had too little time to enjoy all out family and friends. A lot has happened with our infertility quest over the last two months. Before I go any farther please understand that writing this is a way for my to deal with my emotions concerning our struggles and I hope one day to look back at this with my children and let them know how special they are to me and how I grew in my relationship with Christ through this journey.
In late January I had another surgery to try and “help” with conceiving. After the surgery I resumed my medication and in early February we completed our first round of IUI. After waiting the longest sixteen days of my life (or at least it seemed that way) we found out that it was not successful. I have been going through a gamut of emotions. It is a funny thing though; I have a peace about me that I know could come from no one else but the Lord! I was really afraid of how upset that I would be if the IUI didn’t work, but that wasn’t an issue. You can call it a mother’s intuition if you like but I knew in my heart that the last round wasn’t or didn’t work long before I took the final pregnancy test. But like I said, I am at peace about it. The Lord keeps sending my subtle messages that remind me “His grace is sufficient for today.” And I know that today is all that I need to focus on. Psalm 37:4 says Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. The great thing about being a Christian is I know that the Lord hasn’t broken a promise yet! (AMEN)
So with that being said, I go back to the doctor tomorrow and we are going to try it all over again. He made mention of using some different medications the next time around for better results so I guess we will see what he has in store. As for me and my husband (a beloved and truly supportive man) we will keep our eyes on the Lord and know that He knows the exact number, gender, even hair color, of our future children and HE will bring them to us when he sees fit.